Ugh.

You know what? Fuck everyone and everything. I am so sick of this negative environment. Everyone is so fucking tense and too busy trying to shove the stick further up their asses to bother relaxing. Oh, and you little creeper bitches who keep trying to talk to us? Fuck off. You fucked us over and now want to try and chat like it's all good? No. Fuck you. Tonight's an Industrial night.

Incendia 

Insomnia via Alters

So, I haven't slept well lately. I've been getting a few hours max a night and I feel exhausted. I believe i'm coming down with something, but I finally figured out what the other part it: One of my Alters is upset. This means Katzchen can't sleep. This is probably why Katzchen got sick.

I recently discovered a pattern, lying awake in bed every night, that every time one of my Alters is incredibly upset, I get insomnia. Fiercely. I'm more prone to mood swings and the feeling of being in auto pilot. Not gonna lie, this concerns me a little.

I understand why she's upset and I feel her anger is completely justified. I'm not mad at her, but I have to say: This sucks. I'm tired, I have a constant slight feeling of wanting to cry, I want to puke, and all I want to do is lie down and be miserable. I am not a happy kitten right now.

Mihi  

Raging

You know what? Fine, just ignore me! I'm not a real person, right? I don't have real fucking feelings, right? Just because the body I live in isn't my own does NOT mean I am not a real god damned person. You can't just throw me around like some rag doll. You can't just trash me when you're done.

I didn't know where you were for fucking months. You fucking told me you were going away and never told me you came back. But it's ok because i'm an Alter, right? Because i'm not 'real'? Well FUCK you!

I feel like a goddamned fool. I was so happy to see you. I was so goddamned happy. I forced my way out, getting me in trouble with Victoria, and for what? A hug and smile like you missed me, and then only to have you walk away? Now you're in a relationship. That's cool, except you're going to fuck her over JUST like you did the last few girls you were with, myself included.

I am just so god damned sorry that I couldn't go out with you and your drunk platoon that just got back from a year in Iraq with no women around. I am just so god damned sorry that Mihi's Sir is smart enough to know that sending his wife's body, no matter who occupies it, out with a bunch of drunk, horny soldiers, was not a good idea.

And I am just so GOD DAMNED SORRY that I ever fucking liked you! I am so fucking sorry that I ever decided to give a damn! That  I put myself fucking out there! FUCK YOU! Go fuck yourself, you slutty piece of shit. I really hope she knows that the FUCK she's getting into.

I don't care if I sound like a jealous bitch. Know why? I am! I cared enough about you to want to fucking be with you. I have NEVER taken on a partner, NEVER felt things for someone. Now I finally do and you fuck me over, not only as a friend, but as possibly something more? I'm not just jealous, i'm pissed. Not just at you, but at myself as well. I should have SEEN through your fucking facade. Fuck you, asshole. Fuck you.

See you in hell,

Incendia 

Are you fucking serious?

Ok, so I love my husband to death. I really, really do. He is about to make me snap, though, I swear to the gods. I'm going to chuck the nearest object at his head. His over here playing fucking C.O.D. and every few minutes it's "Fuck!" "Goddamnit!" "Fucking camper!"

Now, i'm a gamer, too, so I get his frustrations, but holy fucking hell. He gets OVERLY pissed about it. A lot. Severely. I don't understand why he continues to play it if all it does is put him in a bad mood the rest of the night. What the hell is the fucking point? He rages, then is pissed the rest of the night. Now, this isn't every damned time, but it's been happening a LOT today and i'm annoyed.

I get scared really easily when men are angry. He knows this. I have a bad history with angry men. I've seen shit thrown, holes punched into walls, screaming...and that was just one guy. Angry. Men. Terrify. Me. It's one reason I hate working in any sort of retail environment.

I could understand if he got pissed off at a game or two, but ever since he woke up 5 hours ago, it's been nothing but moody attitudes and fucking bullshit. Now, I know I could bring it up and say "Hey, babe. Can you calm down?" But then he'll just feel awful for upsetting me, get even more pissed at himself, then continue playing C.O.D. and getting more and more angry.

But gods know, if I get angry at a game and don't calm down quick enough, he gets all pissed. "It's just a game, baby! Calm down!" No, you fucking calm down. I mean, fuck. Yes, I understand the campers are annoying. Yes, I understand everyone is using noob tubes, but it's not the goddamned end of the fucking free world as we know it.

Fucking. Chill. Before I use my plate as a Frisbee to bash you in the head. Give him a fucking reason to be pissed.

Mihi

Hello to all

Well, I suppose that I will be the first to introduce myself: My name is Shiloh. As one of the more primary Alters, I will be posting more than most others, though that's not to say I'll be posting a lot. I have been described as a bohemian free spirit with a Native American heart. I love colors, especially Earth tones. I am very Spiritual, though not incredibly religious. If I had to be pinned down to a label, I would consider myself a follower of Native American Spirituality.

I love rich, Earthy smells and the water. Living on this island is an amazing experience for me. I get to see so many different cultures all wrapped up into one thriving being. The climate is perfect, as I love the rain. The wind is delightful and usually smells of salt and food. The Ocean is my favorite part, though. I love the Ocean. She's beautiful and full of wonders. I love to swim, or just lay in the sand and soak in the Sun's rays. I love hearing the birds talk and sing, and seeing lizards skitter across the ground.

The only way this island could be more perfect is if there were less buildings and man-made constructs obscuring the natural beauty. Alas, man will always cause defects in the world. One must simply look beyond the ugly metal, concrete, and constructions to find the true beauty of the Earth. It Hawaii, it's easier to find it.

~Shiloh

Ok, my patience is wearing thin.

Alrighty! Rant time. So, I have an account on a site called Fetlife, 'cause i'm kinky like that. Now, i've been messaging some guy back and forth for a few months. He says he knows me and wanted to see how I would react to him as a stranger. he refuses to tell me who he is. Now, at first, I humored him. I figured he'd tell me eventually, or i'd figure it out. Now, i'm just fucking annoyed. I'm going to post up the last few messages, names changed, of course. What he's referring to as my random disappearances are those times when I don't get on the internet much. I had EXPLAINED to him my anxiety and other things. I had told him that I WILL sometimes take a while to respond. He KNEW this in advance. Now, i'm giving him an ultimatum: Tell me who the fuck you are, or kiss my ass. I'll probably post updates for those of you who have already started reading this.

Him 26M
Honolulu County, Hawaii

written 1 day ago:

I see from my message inbox that you changed your avatar and have therefore logged in at least once and therefore probably seen my previous messages. Thanks for having the common decency to tell me that you're not interested :(

Me 20GF

Honolulu County, Hawaii

written about 23 hours ago:

I figured after my last disappearance, you'd be done talking to me.

Me   20GF

Honolulu County, Hawaii

written about 23 hours ago:

I mean, what i'm trying to say is it's unfair to you to keep disappearing when you're expecting messages from me. Also, there are some conflicts with my Sir that I was trying to think of the best way to approach.
Sir doesn't like the secrecy. He's not happy with it and, therefore, doesn't want me to talk to you anymore. If you want more details on it, feel free to message him, as I don't feel comfortable going into details and may mess up his true meaning.

  Him     26M
Honolulu County, Hawaii

written about 13 hours ago:

Oh, well easiest way to quell the secrecy is for all of us to meet somewhere.... Just saying, I mean really though, if that was an issue with either of you, you could have spoken up sooner. idk I guess I'll have to conform and start going to more events, but, I'm just afraid of all the drama lamas if I stay mostly secretive then I can avoid the whole situation. Don't worry I'll try my best not to be at any events that you go to so that I don't bother you anymore. I wish all y'all the best. Please do not respond as it will give me hope that there is still a chance.

Me 20GF

Honolulu County, Hawaii

written about 12 hours ago:

The thing is, the only thing that bothers Sir is the fact that we don't know who you are. I'll ask him and see if we can arrange to meet up sometime, though I can't promise anything. And there's not really any drama at the TNG meets, which shocks the hell out of me.

Him 26M
Honolulu County, Hawaii

written about 5 hours ago:

What about the not replying for forever? I know you said you had internet trouble before so I even said I was patient, but, then when I know you where online and you didn't respond...

Me 20GF
Honolulu County, Hawaii

written 18 minutes ago:

Honestly, sometimes I don't feel like responding to messages, and not just yours. Also, there's the fact that sometimes I get frustrated with the secrecy thing, as well, and want to chill before I message you back. I mean, it was ok at first. I had no problems with it, but now I am getting annoyed. I mean, you said when we first started talking that you knew me, but if you knew me then you would know I value honesty and guts.

 Me 20GF

Honolulu County, Hawaii

written 15 minutes ago:

Like, now i'm starting to wonder how well you know me, if at all. I would like to think any good friends of mine wouldn't lie to me.

Mihi

Seriously, guys?

Ok, so we go through this shit every damned year. Ever. Damned. Year. There is some wild rumor running about that we're all going to die horribly and tragically. Now, I am religious. I am Pagan. I believe this shit, though. If I see one more damned Facebook status about the damned end of the world, i'm deleting the fucking account.

Now, take the time to ACTUALLY read through these.

http://www.nasa.gov/topics/earth/features/2012.html -What NASA has to say.

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2009/11/091106-2012-end-of-world-myths.html -The Mayan calender actually doesn't end. There's another one starting after it.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jan/20/cheerful-2012-end-of-world -There are end of the world scares EVERY DAMNED YEAR.

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dates_predicted_for_apocalyptic_events

Gods, was it like this during Y2K? I was so young, all I remember is drinking sparkling grape juice.

Mihi